Easter Bunny
Image by Luca Rossato

This week we’re getting into the gritty stuff.

There’s decisions to be made and they need making now… RIGHT NOW… or the Easter rabbit will claw up your skirts and chew on your flesh with its stinking, foam-flecked teeth.

And once the sweet, fluffy bunny is finished with you, then the chicks on your gran’s prized bonnet will peck at your eyes and bathe in the lumpy juices that flow down your face.

They will forever plague you ’til you beg for forgiveness and drown your sins in unholy bottles of diet fizz, delivered straight from the bowels of hell and flavoured with Satan’s own fart-gas.

(Your gran will sleep through the whole event, false teeth rattling through her snores, all to a booming backdrop of the Antiques Roadshow theme tune).


So quick, before the needle-sharp fingers of fear scratch through the door and slice into your heart – what’s the question?


What do you go for?

What will you gorge on this weekend?

If you had to eat only one of those for the rest of your life, every day, breakfast-lunch-and-dinner – which would it be?

So that’s the god darnnit question – gimme your answers, gimme your answers now, fiends… you know the fate that awaits you…

*Backs away from the bunny*

I vote for the buns.

*Runs away and hides*

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